Many of our residents are quite new to talkers, even new to the internet in general. Our staff has noted that, as a whole, our newbies tend to fall into two groups - those who are overly fearful and cautious and those who are entirely too open. This page has been provided as a general guide to how to avoid the normal pitfalls of talker life, while still feeling free to make friends and talk to people.
AN is a talker, one of many that exist on the net, though maybe the only talker that functions as a support group for people with anxiety. These tips for getting along on AN can be generalized to most other talkers and chat rooms.
Who Will You Find on AN?
The first thing you have to remember is that AN, like most talkers, is an OPEN program. This means that
anyone who discovers our website and has the ability to logon to our program can do so. AN currently
has over 100 residents, with newbies logging on pretty much daily. While the majority of these people
are decent folks, probably much like yourself, who are only interested in finding others like themselves
to talk to, there is always going to be a subset of individuals who are less desirable companions.
There are "trolls," for example, individuals who amuse themselves by logging onto talker programs and alarming or annoying the people they find there. These folks are usually not hard to spot and they generally get bored pretty quickly and move on.
More upsetting are individuals who seem fine at first, but later prove themselves to be unbalanced, untrustworthy, unkind, or all of the above. AN especially can attract people like this, as anxiety is often found with a variety of other disorders. Some people really can't help themselves and will upset you without really thinking about it. A smaller percentage may hurt you on purpose, simply for pleasure, but, in my experience, this is a very small group -- normally the "troublemakers" that we find on AN are simply people with more problems than our community can deal with. You can find such people everywhere in life, they simply seem closer and more apparent in the relatively "small town" atmosphere of AN.
For newcomers with little or no experience with internet communities such as talkers, these people can seem overwhelming sometimes, larger than life, holding more power than they actually have. It is also a fact that such people may have little else to do in their lives than hang out on AN and may crave company - so they may even turn out to be among the first people you meet there! It is important to remember that they are, in reality, a very small percentage of AN residents, and not at all representative of our general population. If you should run into such a person, please don't let them discourage you from visiting again and seeking out others on AN.
What Can You Do to Protect Yourself ?
There are actually many steps you can take to minimize the effect an undesirable person can
have on you, without hurting your chances of making real friends on AN.
NEVER give out personal information like your real fullname, your address, home or work phone number unless you are VERY SURE who you are giving it to. Even if someone else is willing to give you theirs, this does not necessarily mean they are a trustworthy person. Also, be careful in calling someone you don't know because they may have caller id or other means to trace your call. Always take precautions.
We also recommend you keep your email address set to "private" or to "friends" only, to guard against any unwanted email. Your talker friends and acquaintances can always email you right on AN, so it is not necessary to give it out. You are, however, required to type in your real email address upon obtaining residency. This is one of the safeguards we have, should a new resident turn out to be a troublemaker - this rule is not to hurt you but for your own protection. Only admins can see your email address unless you set it otherwise, and they will have no interest in looking at it unless you give them one. Also, if you wish to subscribe to our mailing list you will have to use your email address, but this is an automated system and no person will be reading your subscribe message.
What information is safe to give? You can talk about anything in general or even specific problems you are having without fear that someone will trace you. You can give out your first name and the area you live in, even the city name. In short, you can do a lot of talking without fear. You can form strong friendships with decent people who will understand your reluctance to give out certain information. If someone does not understand this, they are probably not someone you want to be friends with anyway!
There are many commands available in AN to help you avoid unwanted conversation. Each AN resident receives the ability to create two rooms. If you wish to link one to a resident street it must remain unlocked, but you are free to lock the second one. You can also set it to "invites only," where only those you invite can visit. And you can always remove the invite if need be. There are other commands that will block tells and mail from certain individuals - read our helpfiles or ask a staff person for more on this. Your best defense while on AN is a good working knowledge of the commands at your disposal.
Individuals who thrive on attention, strong emotion, or turmoil will move on to a better target if you refuse to play along. If someone seems to have more needs than you can deal with direct them to a staff person or simply suggest they seek appropriate help in real life. Express sympathy and move on. Be polite, if you can, but refuse to dwell on THEM. You are not required to do more for anyone than chat politely and you have a perfect right to choose who you wish to chat with. Remember that your fellow residents have no more powers than you do on the program and cannot do anything to you beyond making a nuisance of themselves. Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings or to make them mad if they leave you no choice. Some people get hurt feelings or get mad pretty easily anyway. :)
Individuals who refuse to leave you alone and are causing you distress should be reported to a staff person. This is for everyone's good and can be done discretely. Simply tell (or email) a staff person that you wish to lodge a formal complaint and explain why. This will begin the process of dealing with this problem - we can't do anything about it if we don't know about it! AN has a set policy and rules to follow before troublemakers can be removed - but in extreme cases these steps can be accelerated. We normally do like to seek avenues to work things out for the good of both residents, since most of our complaints turn out to be issues of personality clashes and misunderstandings. However, if an individual simply refuses to change behavior that is causing another distress they will be removed.
Am I a Troublemaker?
If you're asking yourself this question, the answer is probably no. However, if you
are concerned about how people will perceive you, here are some guidelines to follow
which will help to make you a more desirable companion: